Ephesians Chapter 5: Respect
Author George Emmert - 4 Minute Read
The following quote is from a daily teaching from the Bullet Proof Husband written to men:
"Now in the context of marriage, what value do you associate with respect?
What are the things you do or bring to the table that has you demand or expect respect from your wife?
5 bucks that the value you associate is totally different than what your wife uses to evaluate whether she respects you or not...
So why did you lose respect?
Because what you want to be respected for is not what she actually respects you for."
- Bullet Proof Husband
In our last episode of Dive Deep, we covered the differences between men and women with a focus on how we think differently and that being biologically driven to a large degree.
The above quote really grabbed me today because Ephesians chapter 5, in short, spells out the roles of husbands and wives. In particular, the fundamental command to the husband to love their wife as Jesus loves the church and the wife to respect her husband as her servant leader.
The wisdom in the quote above really highlights the stark difference in thinking between the male and female brain. In this case the husband may have a list of things that his wife should respect him for His occupation, his muscles, that he is smart and can fix things, his leadership. Her list may include some of his but it likely is different: the way he makes me feel safe and secure, the time he spends with the children, the way he controls his emotion under duress, how reliable and consistent he is. These are a few of many.
What is the take away here?
There is no doubt in my personal experience I totally struck out in this at times as I am sure most men reading this have as well. Because we are biologically different: both sexes have a responsibility to seek out knowledge of their partner and insure discussion takes place with clarification in the marriage relationship. Usually, the wife stands ready for this.
Husbands, the challenge: Write down 5 things you think is important for you to be respected for by your wife. Then ask your wife to write down the top 5 things she does respect you for then compare the list. Learn to do more of her list and you will have the respect on your list too.
"Depending on your wife for respect will just destabilize things because she cannot be with a man who depends on her for respect."
- Bullet Proof Husband
The Bible exhorts wives to respect their husband. But it says nothing that husbands should depend on the wife giving it. Substitute in the quote above, husband for wife and love for respect, and it is written to the wife. Depend… is the key word. If we put all of our hope and depend wholly on another person for our needs they can and will fail us. There is only One that can fulfill all of our needs and will never fail us, even in marriage, Jesus Christ.